One Chocolate Jesus, Hold the Nuts

Just in time for Easter, a Manhattan art exhibit featuring a life-size chocolate sculpture of a nude Jesus, with arms outstretched in cruxification position, was canceled after an outcry from Catholic groups, who called it a "sickening display." Too bad -- the chocolate Jesus could have been a great marketing tool for the Catholic Church.

According to the old saying, religion is the opiate of the masses. But everyone knows that chocolate is the true opiate of the masses. Religion is maybe number two. Maybe number three, after American Idol. So why not use chocolate to sell religion? After all, each religion needs to sell itself to a new group of kids every year, in order to sustain itself as older followers die or abandon the faith. Kids are already enticed into Catholicism with bribes of jelly beans and chocolate bunnies at Easter, but what kid could tell you the religious significance of the Easter Bunny? I have no idea myself.

Wouldn't it make more sense to market chocolate Jesuses at Easter, and during the rest of the year too? I think a chocolate Jesus could be the biggest-selling consumer item of all time. Bigger than Pet Rocks. Bigger than iPods. Bigger than Prozac.

And don't tell me it would be tacky to sell chocolate Jesuses. I have been to the Vatican City. Inside and just outside those thick Vatican walls, Jesus and tacky coexist quite famously. There are Jesus ashtrays, Jesus spoons, and Jesus pens for sale. There are even images of Jesus on that reflective material that moves when you hold it at an angle, so that Jesus can wink or wave at you. Chocolate would be downright, er, tasteful alongside some of those trinkets.

All I am saying is, there are two ways of looking at things.

My only advice would be to make the chocolate Jesuses solid. I recall that, at Easter time, the most unpleasant experience I had was biting into a delectable-looking Easter Bunny and finding absolutely nothing on the inside.