October 02, 2007

Crowded House

I have recently developed a strong aversion to crowds. It started with airplane travel a few months ago. I no longer have a desire to go to an airport and put up with the lines and the delays to get on an airplane and go anywhere. Then it spilled over into movie theaters. I am a huge film buff, but I now have no intention of going to a movie theater to see a recently released film. I can't stand the rude people chatting on their cell phones, making stupid comments, and asking their partners to repeat the lines.

My disdain for crowds has also spread to street festivals and banks. I attended a large street festival several days ago, and, after a few minutes of talking to people and having fun, I looked down the length of the street and saw a sea of people that looked ten thousand strong. I walked around for a while in a daze, eventually ditching my friends and heading for the exit. Finally, the other day, a creepy little man with white hair kept stepping very close to me on line at the bank, even though there was plenty of room for everyone to stretch out. Each time he did this, I slid away, and he instantly filled the gap. I was about to tell him to get the hell away from me when the teller called me over to her window.

Is this aversion to crowds some kind of phobia? I don't know, but I have come up with a short list of places that I and will not go, based on the anticipated level of crowdedness:

Places to Avoid

1. Stadiums and sports arenas. The one exception is the Mets' home, Shea Stadium, next year, which I suspect will be quite empty.

2. Barack Obama campaign rallies.

3. Larry Craig's bathroom stall at the Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport.

4. Las Vegas hotel suites containing O.J. Simpson memorabilia.

5. Bomb shelters in Iran.

Places that are OK to Go

1. Sam Brownback campaign rallies.

2. Britney Spears' underwear drawer.

3. Congressional Democrats' courage-building sessions.

4. Blackwater's rules of engagement and sensitivity training sessions.

5. George Bush's skull.


At 1:27 PM, Blogger globalchameleon said...

Good thing you weren't on the DC metro today - it was both crowded and ripe! (I thought I was in NYC for a minute) Like the list - though I think the "Places that are safe" might need to be avoided for other reasons!

At 2:33 PM, Blogger media concepts said...

Plus I hate it when I ride the subway and people keep grabbing my ass.

At 11:13 AM, Blogger Barbara said...

You aren't becoming a Howard Hughes on us, are you?

At 12:22 PM, Blogger media concepts said...

Hmm, well he did get to fly his own planes, so that would solve one problem.

At 12:07 PM, Blogger Liz said...

What are the odds? I found your list to be both entertaining and true ... I especially liked the comment about the line in the bank ... that's how I usually feel about the grocery store

At 3:14 PM, Blogger media concepts said...

Liz, my first thought, honestly, was that you had seen and copied my post for some unknown reason. But I guess great minds just think alike.


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