The Tao of Halloween

I am a veteran of many Halloween costume parties. From this experience, I have distilled the essence of what makes a good -- or a bad -- Halloween costume. It comes down to just three simple guidelines:

1. Be Cheap -- Anyone can spend hundreds on a costume at a rental shop. It's more of a challenge to put something together on a shoestring. Check out your closet -- you'd be surprised at what disparate items are in there that, together, can make for an interesting costume. Maybe you can even use the skeletons.

2. Be Comfortable -- gorilla suits and George Bush masks are fun, until you get overheated inside them and start sweating like Dennis Hastert before the Ethics Committee. That box of detergent costume you were just dying to construct sounds like fun, until you try to dance in it and knock three people over every time you turn around.

3. Be Attractive -- most women seem to get this. They don't dress like witches, they dress like sexy witches. They don't dress like cats, they dress like sexy cats. They don't dress like nurses ... well, you get the idea. They realize that Halloween gives one license to cut loose in public for a night, with few boundaries. However, some women, and many guys, just don't get it. The zombie with meat cleaver in skull costume may be the product of creative genius, but you're going to scare away kids, adults and, most importantly, prospective Halloween hookups. That porcupine costume that took you days to put together may be a work of art, but try asking that Sexy Cat for a slow dance and watch her reaction.

Follow these guidelines, and your Halloween will be filled with treats rather than tricks.