Federal Trade Commission Goes After Bloggers

Business Week reports that the Federal Trade Commission plans to issue guidelines this summer requiring bloggers to disclose when they are being compensated by an advertiser to endorse a product. The guidelines are being enacted in the midst of what is being called a "blogola" scandal (an ungainly term that tries to conjure up the radio "payola" scandals of the 1960s, wherein record companies compensated some of the nation's premier disc jockeys to play certain records), in which advertisers are compensating bloggers with cash, laptops and other goodies in order to write positive reviews of their products. I have received several such offers and immediately felt dirty about even considering them.

However, I'm sure there are more than a few bloggers who fiercely value their free speech, for good reason, of course, and who will say that the FTC's planned rules will violate their First Amendment rights. As they teach in law school, however, fully "free speech" does not exist in the U.S. The classic example is that you are not allowed to yell "fire!" in a crowded movie house. As Woody Allen once wrote, however, you are presumably permitted to yell "movie!" in a crowded firehouse.

Advertising is one area where speech really isn't free. Federal law prohibits "unfair or deceptive acts or practices in or affecting commerce," and the FTC is charged with enforcing this law. I for one don't mind this at all. For instance, I have no problem with the fact that it is illegal for a drug company to claim that a certain drug in their asthma inhaler helps kids breathe when they are having an asthma attack, when in fact the drug does no such thing, and a child then has an asthma attack, uses the company's inhaler, and dies.

If Business Week's report is correct, the FTC's proposed guidelines would not curtail bloggers' free speech in any event. The FTC would merely require bloggers who are being paid to endorse a product to disclose this fact. Once they do so, they are still free to spread their phony endorsements all over the Internet.

Law or no law, it seems to me that, if a company has to advertise its product in a secretive way, perhaps it should look into the quality of the product.

(h/t to The Huffington Post)

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Blogging Cliches, Time for You to Die

In December 2006, Gawker published a prescient post listing tired phrases used by bloggers, and seeping into the mainstream media. Last March, Gawker had to run an update listing even more such blogging cliches. Around the same time, a writer's group that I belong to had a similar discussion on our message board regarding "overused writing techniques that, er, must. stop. now."

Apparently, the bloggers have not been listening. Therefore, in the hope of spreading the anti-cliche message just a bit further (and having nothing to do with filling a blog quota without coming up with any new material), I have cobbled together some of the most offensive blogging cliches. Please ban these from your blogcabulary immediately:

1. "Best. [insert noun here]. Ever." And other one-word sentences. Trust me, this cliche is not the best anything ever.

2. Overuse of the word "so," as in "I am so over that," "That is so [fill in time frame] ago," and "That is so not happening." "So" should be reserved for productions of The Sound of Music and imperial vice presidents who don't care what the American people think.

3. Ghetto talk by people who are not from the ghetto, unless the writer is writing dialogue spoken by characters in this vernacular, a la Mark Twain or James Ellroy. "Oh snap." "Don’ be hatin’." "Help a brother out." "That's how I roll." "Fo' shizzle." You know the others.

4. LOLcat speak, especially the phrase "I can has" and the dyslexic spelling of the word "teh." People, it's no longer funny to write the way lipless cats would speak. It never was.

5. "Vajayjay." The claim to fame for this phrase is that Oprah said it. To quote Dick Cheney, "so?" Hopefully Oprah is not your role model for relationships or weight maintenance, so why make her your role model for speech?

6. "____ called. They want their ____ back." Thankfully, this phrase seems to be dying a natural death. Perhaps we can drive a stake through it.

7. Mashups of celebrity couple names, such as Brangelina, TomKat, and Bennifer. This one may be the fault of the tabloids more than the bloggers, but we're supposed to be better than they are, right?

8. "The Internets" plural. This one apparently originated with George W. Bush. Do we really want to take speech lessons from Bush, even for ironic effect?

9. Lists (except this one, of course). I'm kidding. Lists are important, since many bloggers no longer know how to read horizontally.

What is the problem with blogging cliches, you may ask? The problem is that they make bloggers look like stupid sheep, all marching in monolithic lockstep. People, have some originality. Have some style. If you need to, make up your own words and zorks (see, it's easy). Or be really original and write in plain English. After all, your goal is to communicate clearly, isn't it?

Help a blogga out.

(Bonus points to anyone who comes up with additional blogging cliches that should go the way of the duckbill platypus.)

(More bonus points to those who point out the cliches that I used in writing this piece. I'll swear that they were all used intentionally!)

(photo from absolutenow.com)

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